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Saturday, July 30, 2011

a moment of peace

I love that moment when you feel an overwhelming amount of peace in your life.
When you feel like it doesn't belong there, but it is anyway.

I've had those moments twice in the past two days.
Life is difficult right now. Things have been brought up that I've never thought about previously. Emotions are getting stirred that I've never felt before, and they are strong emotions.

Thursday, after a particularly difficult time, I was praying and felt a sudden sense of peace. For (what seemed to be) no reason, I was reassured that people really do care about me. That this is going to get easier.

And yesterday, I was reading a book called TrueFaced and it was discussing sin and wearing masks. In regards to sin (done to us): "We may try to ignore it or stuff it away, but though it may lay dormant for a while, unresolved sin is always buried alive." I am unwillingly wearing a mask due to sin done to me, which is extremely frustrating. So I was praying that I keep in mind that God is a "big picture God." That the things I experience now are nothing compared to what my life is going to be. That they are just pieces of a puzzle. And 2 Corinthians 4 came to mind.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what it unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

How comforting....
so thankful to serve a God that cares for my life and future more than I can even imagine. 
And praying I can remember it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Life is hard.

Some days are harder than others- which is how I've been feeling recently.

This has been my go-to song. It speaks directly to my heart.
Thank you, Bryce Avary.

It's hard trying to hold on
With all that I have lost
It all seems so wrong
But I trust in you, oh God

So will you hold me?
As I'm crushed, my heart is in pieces
And although I'm strong when I bleed
Right now, I'm just too weak

Peace, come over you

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7

Friday, July 15, 2011

It's Not Goodbye, Not Really...

This morning at 2am my childhood officially ended. I was sitting in a movie theater full of fellow Potterheads, with tears coming down my face- shocked that it was really over. We have come to the end. 

I remember the first time I read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. I was nine-years-old and there was a month until Chamber of Secrets was to be released. After Chamber of Secrets was released, I remember being so disappointed that I had to wait multiple months until the next book was released...
And now, 13 years later- I have read the books more times than I can even count, I was in a Harry Potter club in high school, I took a Harry Potter literature course in college, I went to midnight book releases, I went to midnight movie premiers, I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter on its Grand Opening, I went to a Harry Potter convention, I have dressed up as Hagrid several times....

I grew up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. 
I studied with Hermione. I laughed with Ron. I battled with Harry. I pulled pranks with Fred and George. I forgot with Neville. I believed in the unbelievable with Luna. I loved with the Weasleys. I got detentions from Snape. I trusted with Dumbledore. 

I am, and always will be, a part of the Harry Potter Generation. 

2007- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows book release 

2007- Last day of Harry Potter class

2010- Grand Opening of the Wizarding World of Harry Potter

2010- Infinitus with my good pal Dumbledore 

2010- Overjoyed to be at the happiest place on Earth

2011- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows pt. 2 movie premiere 

I have stuck with Harry until the very end.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

So far, this has been a summer of self discovery. I have been seeing a counselor for about a month now, and while that is not a lot of time, I have learned so much about myself.

As an Early Childhood major, I know how important the early childhood years are for everyone. I never really thought about the impact my early childhood years had on me, however, until seeing my counselor and writing a paper for my infant/toddler class. The assignment was to write about something that happened as an infant, which has affected you throughout your life. I decided to write about not forming an attachment with my father. My counselor and I are convinced that this paper did not coincide with my sessions by accident, but that it was placed there in God's perfect timing. Last week I brought up this paper, and we started going in deeper than I wanted...

I have a hard time believing what happened to me as an infant affects me today because I do not specifically remember those experiences. My counselor told me multiple times that just because you don't remember something, doesn't mean it didn't affect you.

Things happened that make me sick if I even think about them. They are so hard to hear, and even harder to accept...