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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

so long, sweet summer

Summer of 2011 is officially over.
I got an extra week compared to most others. I don't really consider myself lucky for it, because I've been so anxious to start my practicum. So ready to get the show on the road.
And tomorrow I officially start. My very last project of my (super) senior year of college. w.h.o.a.
I will be interning at Catholic Charities, with their Refugee Youth Services program. I'm very excited for it!

I have had an incredibly life-changing summer. It started in Bangalore, India (which I think about on a daily basis) and ended with beginning the rough, difficult, but sure to be wonderful journey of self-discovery.

My summer held some of the greatest experiences of my life- particularly India. It also held some frightening experiences. Sad experiences. And extremely ANGRY experiences. Overall, I am very thankful for each of them. Each one shaped me to become a little different, to rely more on God.

I traveled to Bangalore, India. I traveled back, halfway around the world, by myself. My baby brother graduated high school. I turned another year older. I spent a really great weekend with some fabulous friends in small-town, Florida. I celebrated the fourth of July on a lake with some really great people (where I almost drowned and literally thought I was going to die). I made butterbeer cupcakes and mourned the end of Harry Potter. Forever. I spent an AWESOME day at Disney with some of the greatest. I went on a roadtrip to Miami. I started what is probably the most important journey of my life. And I said good-bye to no less than six really wonderful people....

And now to begin what will probably become the busiest semester of my life!

Sunday, August 21, 2011

the future freaks me out.

I am a planner. I like to know what's going to happen and when. I like to know what to expect. I like to prepare myself. As graduation looms closer (4 months...), I get more stressed out. I have no.clue. what my future holds. NONE. Will I stay in Orlando? Will I move back home (noooooo)? Will I work at Publix forever (PLEASE, NO)?

I entertain myself with different ideas...I will go to grad school, I will get offered an awesome job through my practicum, I will go back to India...but I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. And that scares me. Especially because so many people I know who recently graduated are moving on in awesome ways- grad school, seminary, big-kid jobs, moving halfway around the world, long term mission trips...

I think most of all I'm worried my life won't amount to much.  I'm worried that one day I'll wake up when I'm fifty and think "What happened? Where did my life go?" I know it's a lie I'm believing in my head, but not in my heart. And I don't really know how to get past it.

I don't like this uncertainty my future holds... I know God has great plans for me, I just want to know what they are!