I am a planner. I like to know what's going to happen and when. I like to know what to expect. I like to prepare myself. As graduation looms closer (4 months...), I get more stressed out. I have no.clue. what my future holds. NONE. Will I stay in Orlando? Will I move back home (noooooo)? Will I work at Publix forever (PLEASE, NO)?
I entertain myself with different ideas...I will go to grad school, I will get offered an awesome job through my practicum, I will go back to India...but I honestly have no idea what is going to happen. And that scares me. Especially because so many people I know who recently graduated are moving on in awesome ways- grad school, seminary, big-kid jobs, moving halfway around the world, long term mission trips...
I think most of all I'm worried my life won't amount to much. I'm worried that one day I'll wake up when I'm fifty and think "What happened? Where did my life go?" I know it's a lie I'm believing in my head, but not in my heart. And I don't really know how to get past it.
I don't like this uncertainty my future holds... I know God has great plans for me, I just want to know what they are!