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Thursday, December 8, 2011

i am being made new.

The past few weeks I've really been reflecting on just how much I have grown the past year and a half.

I am a changed woman. I am living for something greater than myself. I am (doing my best) to love all people. And I am trying so hard to surrender to the Lord. To focus and desire what He has for me above all else. To discern when He wants something for me, versus when I want something for myself. To be confident when I feel like the Lord is leading me somewhere...and for courage to follow through without looking back.

I've been going back and reading through old journal entries. I can really see how much I have changed, how much progress there has been. And, much to my surprise, there has been a lot of progress. Prayers have been answered, hearts have been calmed, my future has been made known (for a few months at least). I have a direction and purpose.

This semester has been a really strange season of life. On top of freaking out about the future and trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be, deep-rooted things have consistently been made known to me. The kind of things that literally hurt to think about. It started as really extreme self confidence issues, then led back to constantly thinking about my daddy issues, and now it's onto weird, one-sided relational stuff, if that's even what I'm supposed to call it- I don't even know. Strangely, or not strangely, enough, they are all intertwined. I can see how this is progress- it is and it's GREAT- but I am so ready for this season to be my past. I can see and accept how this is an awesome season of healing, but I just want it to be over.

So, during this process I am clinging onto remembering that this season of my life is not eternal, but temporary. And this temporary season is going to look so good in hindsight. I am clinging onto remembering that the Lord's plan is infinitely greater than my own. I am clinging onto remembering the fact that I am being made new. That I am being healed and restored.

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