I think I have a problem. I crave human interaction, friendships, conversation, community- but I'm shy. I don't think I have the capability to spark a conversation with a stranger. On the other hand, I easily open up if a stranger begins a conversation with me.
Today at church, we were told to begin a conversation with someone we didn't know following the service. That should have been easy for me, because I don't know anyone there. Instead of doing what was asked of us, I walked quickly out of the building, avoiding eye contact with everyone. I regretted it as soon as I pulled away from the church. Why don't I have the capability to make friends? I can't always leave it up to someone else.
I've been going to club meetings that interest me, and I've met a few friendly people, along with people in my classes. I've yet to make a friend, though. And I hate it. Currently I'm regretting my decision of going to BCC, then UCF. Sure, it saved me a ton of money and I have an unusually high GPA, but I feel like it put me behind in the making friendships area. Last semester was fine and dandy, because I commuted. I drove to campus, went to class, and left. Back to the place where I had friends. Now, I feel as though everyone already has their circle of friends, and I don't fit in anywhere.
I feel really awful right now. My stomach is churning and I just want to go to bed.